Day One (Part 2, 3, 4, 5, & 6)

Ok- finally, no more excuses. Groceries have been purchased, a plan has been written down, and I'm ready to do this. I'm attempting a new plan- one in which I eat to live not eat to enjoy. Don't worry- I'm letting myself have a cheat day. But, a good friend told me that it's not a bad thing to add the word "don't" into my vocabulary. "I don't go out to eat during the week." "I don't drink soda or sugary coffee." Well, I definitely don't want to be unhealthy anymore. So, Day One breakfast, here goes.

Egg Whites
Turkey breast
Cayenne pepper
Salsa

That's it. It was quite good, actually. I also made a deal with myself to only use the small side plates to help with portions.

I'll be doing food prep for the week today and tomorrow to make sure I have no reason to not eat the right stuff. I start work on Monday-back in production life. Where free food is rampant, but typically few healthy options around. I'm using the next four months here in Hawaii as a test for myself. If I can maintain healthy eating while doing 12 plus hour days, I can do it anytime.

I'm excited again. I forgot how great it feels to just take steps in the right direction. Now, on with enjoying this beautiful Friday!

Two Nikki's

How many times am I gonna do this "get healthy" thing? Until I get it right. The last two years, I've done a lot of getting on track, just to be derailed by life adventures- and I'm full of excuses. This time, I let being in Mississippi for two months completely throw me. I haven't weighed myself- but I know that I've gained back at least half of the pounds I lost last fall. The hard part is not letting the downfalls become so negative that I can't pick myself up again. I'm in Hawaii now. For the next few months. There is beauty all around me, but I'm consumed by the nagging thoughts of "when am I gonna get back on this healthy thing?". 

I tend to get pretty personal in my blog, and today won't be the exception. Honestly, I am tired. I'm tired of feigning confidence. I'm tired of not feeling motivated every day. I'm tired of dreading the part of my day when I have to decide which pair of too tight jeans to wear. I'm just tired. 

Every day, there are two Nikki's that wake up and greet the day. One is a smart, funny, confident, workaholic that loves what she does and the students she motivates. The other Nikki is the one that hides years of negativity that ate away what might have been a self esteem. The two Nikki's clash every day. What's left is what you see. Someone who pretends that my weight doesn't hold me back from being truly happy. 

In Alcoholics Anonymous, and any other "Anonymous'", they say that the first step is admitting you have a problem. I'm pretty aware I have one. I don't want to spend the rest of my life not living to appreciate every day. I know I need to work on the mental part along with the physical, or this will never work. 

I'm so happy with all of the other wonderful things happening in my life right now. Now it's time to make the inside match the outside. 

Today is make a new plan day. With the help of a good friend who's been down this path already, I'm working on it. I'm ready. Please God (or whatever it is out there), let this be the last time I say "This is it." 

I'm going into this knowing I have an amazing support system, and incredible friends and family who want nothing more than to see me succeed. I am forever grateful. Let's try this one last time... Here goes nothin! 

Sometimes you just gotta dance.

Ummmmmmm...

Highs and Lows

Happy Saturday, all! You know, I'm aware that this blogging thing is mostly just for me, but it's a nice way to get out my thoughts throughout this process. I made an observation this past week. Everything about this journey to get healthy is dependent on your mentality. Last weekend, I had so much grading and work to do, that I just shut down. I didn't care what I ate, didn't work out, and I saw the results of that on the scale. I gained back 2 pounds by Monday. In the past, my reaction would have been, "Eff it", and I would have given up. For some reason, I pulled the will to go to the gym from some unknown place inside me. I just got up, put my work out clothes on and decided to restart Week 6 of my 5K training over again. I got back on board with my healthy eating and working out all week, and I lost that 2 pounds, plus an additional 2 more. Hard to believe that in a month, I've lost 12 pounds. I can't say it was easy, believe me, it wasn't. It still isn't. But I'm now aware of the fact that weekends are the hardest for me.

That being said, yesterday morning, I finally finished Week 6 of my Couch to 5K training, and it feels amazing. I don't even care that it took me three tries to get it right, I did it. I have so much to look forward to, hitting these mini-milestones just makes it that much better. I'm heading to the gym now for leg day (WOOHOO!) and tomorrow, I will be starting Week 7 of my 5K training. There are only 2 weeks left, before moving on to the 5K to 10K training. That. Is. Crazy.

The most insane part is realizing that I've now been working out regularly for two whole months. I don't think I've ever done that in my whole life. The new Nikki is a girl who works out. Take that, old Nikki.

So close!

Gah! LOOK AT THIS! 

I only have 0.8 pounds to lose to hit my 4% goal on my diet bet!! Seriously, this is nuts. I can't believe I'm only halfway done and I'm gonna smash that goal.

I know that I will hit that goal by tomorrow morning when I weigh myself. Now anything else I lose is just cake. Not the kind you eat. Or I should say, not the kind I eat. Anymore.


This is absolutely bananas, you guys. (Wink, Wink) I'm so effing proud of myself right now. I ran into a friend today that hadn't seen me in awhile and he noticed I was smaller. That probably feels better than any of this other stuff. I wake up every morning actually excited to go to the gym (WHAT?!), and that's making all of this so much easier. I am getting super nerdy though. I can't stop taking selfies and checking myself out in the mirror. No one told me this was a side effect of getting healthier. Is it just me or what?

Also, for anyone else trying to get healthy, I recently subscribed to this fantastic youtube channel, VanAwesome. The guy really is quite awesome, and his project is called The Handsoming. You should check it out. He's hilarious and motivating. And there are cats in his videos. Can't lose with this one:

My new Sunday routine.

Since I seem to have less and less time on the weekdays- I'm now making it my new Sunday tradition to buy and prep my food for the week. I spent $122 on ALL healthy food and then spent the last hour prepping everything for the week. I have the following in my fridge right now: 4 to-go containers with baked chicken and brown rice with veggies, 8 baggies of baby carrots, 7 baggies of broccoli, 10 baggies of seedless grapes, 6 mini containers of hummus, and 10 banana halves in baggies in the freezer for my protein shakes. It only took me an hour to get everything ready for the whole week! No more excuses for not having the time, because I just proved it barely takes any time at all.

For those of you that aren't fatties, you probably won't understand this. There was a moment in the grocery store where I had to stop and smile. At the checkout counter, there was this overwhelming feeling of pride. In the past, I think I always felt a little bit of shame when I paid for food I shouldn't be buying. There was a little voice in my head that thought the checkout person was judging my purchases. That feeling completely went away. Not one item in my cart was unhealthy. Not one. And you know what? It feels good.

I'm gonna make this week my bitch.

Can't stop me now!

So, it's officially been 8 days since I started my diet bet. I'm down 7 pounds. That's nearly a pound a day. I did not think it would be dropping that fast. The funny part is, I've been working out for over a month and a half now. The weight is only coming off because I finally changed the diet. I've heard that weight loss is 70% what you eat and 30% working out, and that seems to be pretty accurate. I'm loving this getting up early, getting my work out in, and off to work with my packed lunches (and sometimes dinner for the long days). I can honestly say my confidence is through the roof right now. It feels so good to finally take control of my life.

I should also add that my goal is shifting a bit from just training for a half marathon to a different end game. I've been following a lot of different fitness sites, videos, and Instagrams with super in shape chicks. All of them are fitness models, of course, but their bodies are ridiculous. The biggest difference is they are lifting instead of just doing cardio. While I do still want to keep up with the running, I've decided to put a little more effort into the lifting part. Doing the personal training sessions is a good start. I'm logging everything we do so I can do it on my own when my sessions run out.

I mean, look at this chick.

Is that not the most motivating picture you've ever seen?! Her workouts are crazy, but clearly they work. Honestly, my goal has changed to just being an all around badass. I mean, why not? I don't care if it takes me a few years (which it will), I'm going for it.

Was my diet this week perfect? No, but it was a billion times better than last week, and definitely the week before that. I'm just taking tiny steps at a time, and I'll get there eventually.

Now, on to my beauty rest so I can get up and do this all over again tomorrow : )